Forgiveness - an initial step towards inner peace and outer harmony

Before you make up your perception of me, let me be plain honest - as an adult, I am not a forgiveness guru and in extreme cases, if given an option, I would rather ask my thoughts of forgiveness to come to mind another day when I'm feeling more benevolent. This is not something I am proud of and regardless of this side of my nature, I felt compelled to write my thoughts on this as one of the very first topics for my blog. Mainly, because deep within, I feel this is most important for my (spiritual) growth and as a matter of fact, for anyone else's. I believe that when we make a conscious decision to forgive and to let go of our grudges and resentment, we create space for more positive energy to flow through us. Therefore, though it is not my cup of tea, I consider forgiveness as my wake up coffee.

The mayhem before the forgiveness:
My understanding is that since the majority of our species do not have the privilege to interact with extraterrestrial beings but are stuck with fellow humans, topped with our extreme heights of humility to treat ourselves as a separate entity from our higher self, it is inevitable to miss out on a few impolite and disrespectful people in life. As a result, often someone's intentional non-justifiable, unfair, rude, and obnoxious behaviour or action creates feelings of deep resentment within us. The challenge is how we forgive such people, and mind you I am not talking about someone who jumped queue at your local fish market but more like when a person seriously demeans you or physically harms you. Needless to say immediate real life assistance is a must for the latter. 

So what really is forgiveness?

Forgiveness to me is the act of consciously volunteering to let go off any grudges and resentment against the offender. And I'll be frank, to me it does not mean being obliged to trusting or even socialising with the repeat offender(s). The keyword here is repeat, unless of course you plan to go on a long unpleasant merry go round adventure that has high prospects of causing further oppression.

Then why is it hard for the majority to forgive easily?
Most likely, because a lot of us including myself, have learnt along the way that an unjust or bullying behaviour is an unacceptable cowardice trait. Or possibly because in contrast, a lot of us have grown old either being a constant victim of this or witnessing this happening with an ease around us thus we consider it normal to victimize another. This just perpetuates animosity.

This leads me to the next question - what could ignite the flames of destruction in people to deliberately hurt another at an emotional, physical or mental level?
Jealously, selfishness, insecurity, inferiority complex, sadist nature, controlling nature, uncontrolled arrogance, hunger for money, overdose of power, inappropriate role models, damaged emotions while growing up, being lured by those in authority or even worse - a combination of these and much more! In summary, it is due to one giving preference to their darker side whilst failing to be sensible and sensitive towards others. I find it difficult to believe that people could be in denial of their negative behaviour, attitude and action because such perpetrators often do so very cunningly. 

Nevertheless for me, the path to forgiveness becomes smoother when I:

(1) analyse the whole situation - I talk about it to myself or to someone close and let the emotions sink in,
(2) accept the nature of forgiveness - that forgiveness is a process and it could be slow depending on the severity of the offence,
(3) appreciate myself for not being the offender who could be in need of empathy,
(4) realise that by asking myself to forgive the offender I am not agreeing with the offence but instead stopping it from interfering with my inner peace,
(5) remind myself how easily I used to forgive people during my childhood phase,
(6) focus on the need to guide my adult self out of negative internal chaos and external experiences, and
(7) thank the higher power/universe for giving me the opportunity to strengthen my character. 

And now the act of forgiving:
Having thought of forgiving is a good start. However, committing to the action itself can be quite challenging. No joke, at times it is more daring than confronting the offender. Not only does it requires patience and endurance but also sanity to deal with and handle questions from non-witnesses who haven't given a cent to your life otherwise. However, I must admit that despite these hiccups, forgiving brings with it a feeling of lightness, a genuine satisfaction, and much more room for internal brightness. There's also some substantial perks and rewards for the health and beauty freaks. We all heard it helps boost immunity to several diseases, calms down the nervous system, reduces signs of ageing, and adds life to the remaining years ahead. View forgiveness as life sustenance. 

In conclusion, I think forgiveness is a very noble deed; it's the act of being kind to ourselves as well as to those who haven't been kind to us. We can't force people to change for the better but we can better ourselves by acknowledging the fact that none of us are perfect - that to me unveils sublime courage. For the beginning of a positive journey, it is crucial that we bring to an end all travels towards past bitterness. As such, no matter how impossible it seems or how untrue it may sound, fortunately I somehow do manage to bring myself to a state of peace and harmony where I focus on the spirit within the offender and see its unity with mine. (Not for long yeah!) This generates an electrifying sense of gratification from within and though briefly, it reveals to me the subtle power of the spirit within. Forgiveness thus is a treasured gift I've given to myself and a thoughtful gift (sometimes an unclaimed one) I've given to the offender. Generally, it results in healing of two souls therefore, in my opinion it is mandatory (not an option) and an initial step towards inner peace and outer harmony.

However in saying so, these are my unfabricated viewpoints, coping mechanisms and mindful steps toward forgiveness. Are you aware of yours? Unless you are an easily forgiving being, it may be worthwhile doing your own soul search and consider gifting yourself and the wrongdoer with some genuine forgiveness. Or maybe you know where you currently stand and are happy with your progress but never shared your perspectives on forgiveness with your loved ones, your family especially your children. I would urge you to involve them in some stimulating discussions. Chances are one day they will be grateful you did and who knows your little effort may inspire them to be considerate of themselves as well as all around them and that is a big accomplishment, don’t you agree?

May peace, light and love be with you.

Monita.